Long Distance Love

7.17.2013

If you remember, Adam has been in Arizona and Montana living his baseball dream. And while he is there I have been in Utah and Idaho working my dream job and volunteering for Miss Idaho. We aren't in the typcial long distance relationship because we aren't just dating... we are married. But the same rules and feelings apply. Time apart is hard, but it doesn't have to be impossible. Here are some tips from our relationship that has made the time apart easier. We are keeping the spark alive through our long distance dating. And I truly believe our relationship will only be stronger when he comes back.
1. Save your conversation.
Don't text all day, every day. Save your conversation for a nightly phone call. When you spend all day texting each other you will have nothing to say at night. During the day we will text each other questions, funny things that come up, quick snippets or a story that needs to be told while talking, and quick I love yous... but we are careful to share EVERY detail of our day throughout the day. We want to have meaningful conversation at night, not just a phone call because it "should happen".

2. Use technology to your advantage.
There are so many options to talk these days. It isn't just a letter or in person conversation. We have cell phones, text messaging, but - best of all - we have video chat. Whether you Skype, Facetime, or use Google+ - use technology to your advantage. It stinks not seeing my husband every day at home, but I can see him every day through the advances in technology. We have our very own Google Hangout every single night.

3. Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.
Pictures of what you are doing. Pictures of things going on around you. Pictures of yourself. Adam and I are the King and Queen of selfies. On an average day we spend anywhere from 20-30 photos... but sometimes when I know that Adam wont be at his phone for awhile, I will send him about 20-30 over a ten minute period. I like to see what Adam is up to. I like to see the field he is playing at. I like to see his new hat. I like to see his face. So we send photos. It is like I am there without being there.

4. Take advantage of time apart.
Obviously you are sad to be apart... but when you get sad think of all the things you have listed that you want to do when you "have some time"... then DO it! Take advantage of your time apart by doing things you have put off. Learn a new skill. Get a new hobby. Visit friends. Watch movies you know your significant other wont want to watch. Time apart doesn't have to be bad... it can be a time to grow more as an individual to make yourself better for when you are a couple together again.

5. Do things "together".
To do something together you don't have to be together. Your significant other is watching a show on TV? Sit down and watch the same show. You are watching a YouTube clip? Send them the link and then watch it at the same time over the phone. You can always find similar things to do in your different location... it helps put you on the same field.

6. Talk about the good times. And then look to the future.
We all have those moments that will always be special in our relationships. Take the time to talk about those moments. First date, a funny story, first conversation, a roadtrip, the list goes on and on. When you talk about the good times you prepare for more good times. One memory can lead to a plan for the future. When you think about good memories you think about the opportunities for the future, and not the time apart. It brings excitement to the next time you see each other.

7. Be positive.
Obviously you miss each other. Obviously you want to see each other. But crying on the phone, saying "I miss you" a million times, and talking about how difficult the distance is will only make the time apart harder. Be positive. You can easily make an I miss you positive - say I miss you and I cant wait to see you or I miss you, but we will have so much fun when I come out there... When you say "I miss you," don't make it a focal point of the conversation.

8. Make them a priority.
We are all busy. And we make ourselves more busy when we want time to move faster. But ALWAYS make time for your significant other - no matter how busy you are. Everyone has time to text message. And if you have time to text, chances are you have time for a phone call. Not all phone calls need to be an hour long. But waiting to go to bed, or stepping out of a movie for a few seconds, or walking away from your girlfriends shows they are a priority and it shows you want to talk to them.

9. Make the time seem shorter.
When talking timeline, what sounds more appealing, "Soon" or "5 Weeks"? If you said 5 weeks, good on you.. but I think soon sounds better. This one is big in my relationship with Adam. Over his 3 months away we will only see each other twice. Whenever we talk we discuss when we get to see each other next... we have found that saying soon or the number of days makes the time seem shorter than saying one month or five weeks. Find out what timeline sounds more appealing to you and make sure you take your significant other's feelings into account.

10. Say I LOVE YOU.
If you are in love, say it. If you are in like, say it. Anything you think, say it. There is nothing better than a few kind words to get through a hard time. And even though I miss Adam, hearing him say "I love you" or "I appreciate you" makes it easier. Because even though we are apart I can focus on the most important thing... we are in love. And that isn't going to change.

11. Fly, drive, or crawl.
And of course the last and most important. The only way to make long distance work is to MAKE SURE you see each other. Time apart is hard. But time together makes it worth it. No matter how long you are apart, make time to see each other at least once while you are apart. And if you can, take turns doing the visiting. And when you go visit them, plan out your trip. Don't just spend time holed in a hotel "catching up"... go out, explore, and have adventure! That will make the departure a lot easier. Because you aren't so sad to be apart after 24 hours a day of looking into each other's eyes, you have memories to build on for all your future conversations.

Have you ever experience a long distance relationship? What advice do you have? What made the time apart easier for you?
Merrie Harper said...

Couldn't agree with this post more! I have been in a LDR for a year and will have to be for another two years and all of the points your mentioned are vital in making your relationship work!

Tayler Morrell said...

This is a great post. I love it all this advice...and the greatest part it, this advice can be used for relationships that aren't long distance either!
Our Fairy Tale

Hailey. said...

Love this post. You guys are so great! :)

Kendra Klingler said...

When my husband and I were engaged; he was in Idaho and I was in California. It was just miserable! All I wanted to do is be with him. These are just the things that we have done while we were apart. Including writing each other letters and sending each other packages. I started writing to him every single day, even when we were already Skyping each other, there was still a letter waiting for him to be opened with a bit of a surprise inside. Then with the packages, I would send them at least once a month.

Autumn @ The Unreal Life said...

These are great tips!

Brooke @ Silver Lining said...

I love this. It would be hard for me to have such a positive attitude about being away from my husband, but you do such a good job of it! I love reading about you two together, and you do such a great job of making this time apart seem doable.

Michelle said...

Great advice! Love this post

Madeline said...

These are such great tips! I wish I would have been that mature when I had a long distance relationship years ago. Being apart is so heart-breaking sometimes. I'm so glad you're both doing so well!

Cece said...

My husband and I were apart for 11 months with one visit in between. He's leaving soon for 12 weeks like he does ever year. Your tips are all great! The time zones were so far apart and international that even phone time was rough but we made it work. It's not easy. It's not ideal. But if nothing else it really makes you appreciate each other so much more.

Ashley Hawkins said...

this is really great advice! when tay and i were engaged, he lived in nebraska doing summer sales and i was still in utah, i wish i would have had this list then-i love your point on not saying "i miss you" as a negative thing, but turning it into a positive thing! thanks for sharing, these are great!

Janette said...

Is "catching up" in a hotel room a euphemism for something? Haha! Anywho! I loved your tips.. While my husband and I have never been apart for more than 2 days, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying cause he's in graduate school, and it always feels like he's gone because he works full time and then school...That's pretty much why I started blogging. I needed a hobby.. So..it worked out.. And I can sooo relate to the watching movies he won't watch part.. I CAPITALIZE on that..lol

♥,


Janette

Janette Lane Blog

Taylor said...

I love all of it, but I would text as much as possible, text love notes, say that you are thinking about them because that gets you through the day- that is texting and receiving notes from your spouse- that keeps the spark alive. Remember when you were newlyweds how you thought about them 24/7 and texted them, keep doing it and you'd be suprised how high on cloud nine you can be. Then when night comes to talk, you can think of something more to say, I mean you are married and it would be sad if you had nothing to talk about at night- be creative and make new conversations. Good post

Amberly Lambertsen said...

I love all of these tips! :) The longest Joe and I have ever been apart was this weekend when I left him Wednesday afternoon and didn't see him again until Saturday night! :)

Lissa said...

I disagree about a couple things. Obviously what works for one person won't work for another, but in my relationship I have found differences to your post. I've been in an LDR for three years, and have only seen my partner 6 times in those 3 years. He lives in England and I live on the west coast of Canada. We make time for each other when we are both free. While we will text a bit when we're out with friends, I don't want him to leave his friends out of obligation to talk to me! We text all the time, and don't talk every day. With busy lives and a 8 hour time difference, having the expectation to talk every day actually puts a strain on our relationship.
We do our best to come up with a date and have a countdown. When you only see each other a couple times a year, its nice to have something to look forward to.(wedding 540 days away!)
Sometimes talking about how frustrated you are is a good thing, but it definitely shouldn't be it! Finding things to do together is a great thing. we like playing games- 20 questions, scrabble, trivia, etc.
And totally agree with getting out and having an adventure! When you do see each other make it an occasion. We like to put it as actually "dating" each other. Zoos, cooking together, theme parks, popcorn and movie nights at home, fancy dinners, shows, learning a new sport; all things that help create a memory.

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