Episode 10. Or as it is better know. The women tell all. I like to call this season's episode the show of a million tears because I honestly have never seen so many tears in a single women tell all episode. Lots and lots of drama. But in case you need a reminder of what has happened before I basically give you a FULL season recap - you will want to check back on last week's review. Now... onto the episode of a million tears.
I guess the whole episode starts with less sad tears and more happy tears as Host Chris and Farmer Chris decide to crash a bunch of viewing parties. So many drunk ladies and moms hitting on Prince Farming. So awkward. And yet, here I am hoping he crashed my viewing party. Alas, I live in Idaho.
Round 1: Britt
Barely two minutes into the WTA and the girls are already tearing Britt down. It was actually really sad to watch. I felt so bad for the girl. Carly is more jealous than ever and digging herself a deeper jealous rage pit of despair - to the point where Britt gets to mad she yells, "You've pretty much narrated my entire love story for the past three weeks, can I just talk?" They loved to interrupt each other. Carly loved to roll her eyes. Britt loved to cry. And at the end of the day no one wins because no Farmer Chris for you. Britt goes on to say that she would still be on the show if it weren't for Carly. Which I slightly believe but you never know. This is also the point in the show where Jillian gets all "jacked up" calling Carly an evil person for saying really mean things about her in front of Chris. And defends Britt to the death.
Round 2: Kelsey
Nothing she said or did convinced me she was less in love with herself. But it is sad to see someone so upset and girls so relentless about it all. Oh? You are crying? Well let me tell you one more time how manipulative and calculated you are. That is the female equivalent of kicking them in the ribs after they TKO. Kardashley takes a few more really great stabs at Kelsey and for some reason I don't hate when she does it.
Round 3: Ashley S.
Okay. So she didn't cry. But she did make everyone else cry from laughing so hard. First she presents Host Chris with the gift of an onion because the show inspired her to grow her own onions. After saying that is was really hard for her to not be silly in front of the camera she goes on to make fun of how much the girls cry. Host Chris invites her to be on Bachelor in Paradise... please be on the show Ashley! PLEASE! And she responds like this: "It's so weird," she finally said. "What is?" Harrison asked. "Just that we're on TV." I feel like you need to see her whole interview... because yes.
Round 4: Jade
Basically Jade is just really offended that Chris said her Playboy wasnt a problem and then eliminated her that night. She felt like things went really well. But then he talked about how awkward it was to look at her porn - which, I don't blame him for saying that but he also agreed to it, right? - on his blog which made her question what she thought. He also said it was disturbing hearing her family call her wild. Great choice of words Prince Farming. She wants to hear it all from Chris though, so she is put on hold until Chris is in the hottest of hot seats.
Round 5: Kaitlyn
Just so sad. She was in love. She let her guard down. And she doesn't understand how someone can say they are falling in love and send them home the next day. All understandable. I love Kaitlyn even more every day. And I think she is just a gem. No drama here, just saddness and it is sad.
Round 6: Britt, Jade, and Kaitlyn again
Britt starts with the worlds most awkward hug. The hug heard round the world.
And then she goes on to tell Farmer Chris that she understands and respects him and so on and so on. And he tells her it isn't Carly's fault. She would have gone home anyway.
Then Jade and Kaitlyn - each at their own time - rehash their previous issues to Farmer Chris and he apologizes. And everyone is nice. And we all still hope Kaitlyn is the Bachelorette. Let it be true! And now that everyone has cried all the tears in the world and no water will ever be needed again let's watch some bloopers which are included but not limited too: Random panties on the table during the opening cocktail party, Chris telling a girl she just got crop dusted in the worst possible way, montage of Chris' different dolphin laughs, Jimmy Kimmel practicing rose ceremony etiquette, the lights going out on Carly, the set falling on Kelsey, Ashley spitting out wine, a monkey gagging, a dog sneaking up on Becca , and Whitney's dog getting it on.
To wrap up the show we get a nice preview of tonight's episode and I am super confused about how it all ends. Will Whit be the one? Will Becca commit? Will Chris' mom make Becca cry because she can't make a choice in two days? Please tell me I am not the only one that was confused by all that. Who is your favorite lady? I know who I want to win... but we will have to see. Get your votes in!