America’s favorite reality TV show is back, my friends! If you didn’t catch on to the fact that The Bachelor is returning from my introduction of the contestants – then let me clue you in… The premiere was last week and today we start to get to the real crazy stuff since introductions are done. And this season is a nice group of odds and ends as far as the women are concerned.
We start with Ben – of course. Because the world needs to see he is much more than he appeared to be on Kaitlyn’s season. Let’s be honest, during his season as one of the 20 men he seemed sort of plain… but now we see that he is the all American pretty boy. And grand marshal for the homecoming parade? We accept. WE ALL ACCEPT. And as I am sitting here I am thinking – I think this is the longest a Bachelor has gone without a shirtless swimming/shower/working out shot. Okay, I didn’t notice the mole on the side of his face last season. Did anyone else? Is this a new mole? Should he be getting it checked for cancer because if it wasn’t there last season that is a fast growing mole.
Now let’s get to know his deeper side, shall we? No more of this athletic, dream boat side of the man. Let’s get reallllll deep. Poor Ben, the unlovable snowman… wait… but seriously. So much talk about him being unlovable. And rejection. But there is hope – his cute, cute parents have toasted love. CHEERS to love! And then a little more talk about him being unlovable. And they know he is more than unlovable Ben. THERE IS LOVE IN THERE! And his parents literally are the cutest. I love them.
Commercials. And for once I am glad I don’t have DVR because this McDonald’s commercial would have been so sad to miss. Ben… what do you pick? Breakfast or lunch? Chris is there to cheer you one. Des made the right choice. So did Sean… Poor Chris didn’t so he just gets to hide behind your back and tell you to pick. You must pick. Okay… that commercial. All the yes. Back to the show.
Ben and his boys are now at the mansion. We have Ben, Chris, Sean, and Jason. The first thing he says is he wants to be a part of the married Bachelor club like them – again, sorry Chris. They all give their advice. Make sure to separate relationships. Don’t close your heart. Kiss all the girls… that was horrible advice, Chris! Horrible. I get that Chris was the last Bachelor, but his relationship was one of the shortest ones of most recent seasons. And the conversation is done and there is so much sweat. California is hot, wear black boys.
Now a sneak peek of all the ladies – so much going on. We have Catherine 2.0. Twins! What the heck, twins!? Becca is coming back. I love Becca. A chest tattoo girl. Okay… let’s get to the limos. Oh wait. A little more Ben. And a quick shirtless snippet of a very hairy chest. I now know why he isn’t being sexualized like previous Bachelors. Let’s leave him as the sweetheart all American boy that everyone loves. Thanks ABC.
The limos are here! The first group of ladies is pulling up on the freshly hosed down driveway to make it shine. Starting with….
Lauren B. So darling. And the best simple dress ever. If you remember from the review, she is the flight attendant so she brought him his own pair of wings. So they could soar on this journey together. Catchy. Very punny. Also she would have done really well on Jake’s season. On the wings of love.
Caila. Aka Catherine 2.0. Cute girl. Horrible intro. Run and jump – bad call. So awkward. At least yell catch me!
Jennifer. Bad hair. The end.
Jami. The Canadian gem that mentioned Kaitlyn - aka the last woman that told Ben he was unlovable – right off the bat followed by a really weird “big” joke. Awks.
Samantha. We get it. You are a lawyer. Your lawyer joke was not funny.
Jubilee. She kept saying like, like, like in hopes that he would like, like, like her. This is the chest tat friend from the girls preview. And you can see her chest tat sliiiightly peeking out.
Amanda. Or as we call her. Mermaid hair.
Lace. She looks a little nutty coming out of the limo. And then she mouth raped him. She is aware that is sexual harassment, right? She is going to be a kick in the pants tonight.
Lauren R. As my Sunday school kids told me, you never admit when you stalk someone on the line. Which I always do when I get nervous meeting someone for the first time. So I get it. She also talks strange.
Shushana. English please? And as she walks away Ben just says he is getting tired or losing his mind. Maybe both? Just kidding, Shushana totally just punked you.
Leah. So cute to so bad all at the same time. If you are going to do the sporty thing with a hike – don’t wear a mostly sheer to your whoha dress. Also. The hike made her look like she was going to the bathroom. I don’t know. All bad.
Jojo. Unicorn. Girlfriend… the mask is slightly terrifying. And how is her face not so sweaty after being trapped in that plastic mask!?
Lauren H. She just looks like a Kindergarten teacher. And I love that she brought the bouquet with her. A sign!
Laura. Red Velvet is my favorite cake. And that is all I can think about as she talks about her nickname. I should go to Costco and get some red velvet something. They have the best red velvet cake. Which once upon a time someone told me the red comes from beets, did anyone else ever hear that?
Mandi. Coming in with the rose head. That she picked from her garden. And he can pollinate it later? Okay. Nope. I can’t.
Twins. They never date the same guy and Ben is the exception. So much drama. Can’t wait.
Maegan. With an “a”. Can’t be trusted. She shows up with her Huey mini pony. Says he is the only thing that can beat twins. I am just confused why she is taking him in the house. I would be like, “NOPE! No mini ponys in my house.”
Breanne. Let’s break bread because carbs are Satan…. NO! That is the worst way to land a man. I don’t really know any men that don’t eat bread. What a let down.
Izzy. Showing up in a onsie is bold. I thought she would have a dress to change in to. Not so much. Good luck.
Rachel. Cute girl. I want that hoverboard. Of course she is unemployed and has a hoover board. Thanks Obama.
Jessica. Hugs on hugs on hugs.
Chicken girl. I only have on note and that is Disneyland…. So.. I honestly don’t remember.
LB. Very normal. Cute. I like her. Great color of dress and makeup to match.
Jackie. She stomps like a man. Too short. Brought a wedding invite. Leave, Jackie. You are ruining everything.
Olivia. She is beautiful. Like stepped out of the limo knockout. And you can tell Ben loved her too.
And since we all know Becca and Amber are coming everyone is wondering where the heck they are… but it appears Chris has a trick up his sleeve. Why not through everyone off their game? Including the new contestants.
Okay everyone is here now – except the two returners –so Ben gives his parents a quick call on the phone and then tells them to head back to bed. Ben heads in to toast the ladies and is interrupted by Mandi before he can even do it. Balls, Mandi. And the chatting begins. Mandi starts with a dental exam. From there we have a bunch of small talk. Olivia says she quit her job. And in walks Becca and Amber! You can tell he is in complete shock that they walked in. Drunken Lace is pissed because she knows the world loves Becca. But they don’t dwell on the returners from too long. Basically the night is full of a lot of conversations I don’t remember so here are the highlights - Caila and Ben talk about how software is sexy, Lauren H. was just so gracious when Becca walked in and I love her even more, Lace is drunk as drunk and nuts, Lace asks for a kiss, as Ben is explaining why he wont Mandi comes back, Olivia wins the first impression rose – no surprise there, and then the horse steps on people’s dresses.
Rose ceremony time. Basically with them all being new there are no total shockers as to who he keeps and sends home. Because he really keeps almost everyone. The only one he kept that I was surprised about was Mandi but I am guessing that is ratings driven. Going home is Breanne the bread breaker, Izzy in the onsie, Jessica with all the hugs, Laura aka Red Velvet, stalker Lauren R., Maegan with the mini pony, but somehow Huey stuck around with Chris for a bit, and Tiara the chicken girl. Best dresses of the night go to Becca, Olivia, Lace, and Lauren B.
And just as we are wrapping up Lace comes in and snags Ben to tell him he needs to look at her and basically says she is a nutcase. Ben of course, is just hoping the producers don’t need her crazy for too long. The ratings will be fine!
Oh and of course the preview of next week. Some twin drama – one stays and one goes? Something tells me they will both still go at the same time. Mermaid hair sticks around. Jubilee with the chest tat appears to stay a lot longer than I thought she would. And Olivia is the villain – shocker, I always love the villians. Glad to see Becca stick around… I think that is about it. Can’t wait to see what happens tonight! You can follow along with all my thoughts as I live tweet them. Find me @deidreemme on Twitter! Catch ya there. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.